A Stairway to Father Guido Sarducci's Heaven plus 325 steps

Dan is here today, so great to see him. i took him on my favorite road, the Lucas Valley Rd., as in George Lucas, through the little town of Nicosia, through the wonderful Redwood forest, to the very hippy town of Bolinas. Many, many dogs, many bearded, long haired men, many somewhat unwashed men and women. Well, i shouldn't say "many", it's a very little town. It has a beach, and a stairway to nowhere, but since Father Guido Sarducci allegedly resides there, i made that the title. (I do mean the actor who played him on Saturday Night Live, for those who may not get the reference)
We then drove to Mill Valley, where we were starving, but found a pathway on Cascade Drive, a road so narrow that only one car can pass at a time. We walked up this beautiful path, up into a Redwood forest, with a stream running through it. it was so beautiful, peaceful, and quiet.
Then went into town for a fabulous, greasy hamburger and sweet potato fries. Walked it off at the beginning of the "Dipsea" steps, which are 3 staircases. i counted the number, on the way down, and there were 324 steps.

After a rest, Dan especially napped, we went into San Francisco to meet Jay and Lindsey at Albono's, an "Istrian" restaurant. The host, Bruno, is from the Istrian penisula, and the food reflects this area. The area is near Trieste, and has Italian influences as well as Croatian and Yugoslavian. We had been there for a previous trip, and really enjoyed it. It is so good to see them often, i know i will really miss the contact when i go home.

Another City to Explore, More People to Meet feb.28th

In the morning, did my usual, jazzercize and walking to get the paper. Got the house ready for Dan's visit, tonight.

In the afternoon, i drove into Berekeley, to shop, to walk, and to meet Kathleen's son-in-law and his family, before picking up Dan at the airport later at night.

i drove around Berekeley, and had googled stairways in that city, and of course, found many. I found another map too, with all of them listed, as well as a reference to the book i'm using in San Francisco. i drove and drove, and found "The Arden Steps." It was gorgeous! Up in the hills above the whole city, narrow streets and lanes, dark wooded homes, foliage so thick i couldn't get a picture of the view from above. I loved this, it was so charming, it actually reminded me of our little village that we stayed at in Italy, with the narrow, one lane roads and winding S curves.

This stairway was incredibly steep, i couldn't really capture that with a camera. i got a little dizzy on my way down, clutching onto the handrail. Very steep, narrow, and quiet.

i then drove to 4th Street to the great shopping they have there, then looked, but couldn't find, these outlets nearby. i ended up at Kyle's house, Frank's son. He had invited me to dinner to meet him, his wife Emily, her son Alvin, and their new baby son, Riley. We had a lovely dinner and a lovely time. Emily is Chinese, from Canton, though she's been here for 14 years. They were delightful--Kyle is a wonderful conversationist, very bright, likes to write stories. It was great to see Kathleen again too. Kathleen has a picture with her and i and the family, i will put that in when she sends it. By the way, it may seem this way, but really, i do not always wear black!

i then went to get Dan at the airport, and was very early because there was no traffic. (this is a remarkable statement!)

i really enjoyed this today; i've been to Berkeley before, on separate occasions, and was never able to put it all together before. Doing these walks forces me to see the big picture as well as the details within.

adult livng and hummingbirds

i am having routine days, a good thing, actually, but not much significant to write. i went to jazzercize, then got ready to go to Santa Rosa, to an "Adult" community, to look at short term rentals. O.k, all you dirty minds, what the "adult" means, is 50 or older! this community is in Santa Rosa, named Oakmont, and has tons of activities-golf courses, swimming pools, recreation centers, movies, etc. (i think i want to barf as i describe it)

Anyway, the good thing is, they have a number of short term rentals, so i went to look at quite a few today. well, as Jack Benny says, what can i say. There was one that really was nice, it was on a hill in the hillier part of the development, and there were actually deer sitting on the hillside. It was a really nice house, they had redone it and it was very open. But..........not necessarily available next winter, as they prefer to not have a dog. The other places were more than adequate. i think i am so surprised that Dan would consider a community like this. Clearly, the advantages would be the nearness of so many activities---golf, movies, dinner, potential friends, etc. but geez, it was really ticky tacky. Plus, it's way up in Santa Rosa, and i have experienced road delays and traffic everytime i go to Sonoma county. i really like Novato, and my condo complex, but am not sure we have any opportunities here. We'll see, i think i am processing this as i write and apparently, my feelings are emerging. i must say when i got back, and took a walk around the condo complex, i was stilled by a hummingbird in a nearby tree.

Later, came home and ate and talked to Matt, made plans to come out to Salt Lake City to babysit Isaac! Yeah, and yeah!

so, wishing Dan were with me as i say this---again, i experience this sense of euphoria.



don't know if it's the place, (northern Ca.) or the doing it, but i feel so good.

Like Maybury, on Acid

so this morning i took a ride. i wanted to see the town of Fairfax, and also return to Ross, where i had been directed to a dressmaking shop the year that Matt got married. Her designs were the impetus for my infamous wedding dress experience.
i missed Ross on the way there, it is so small. I did find it on the way back, and it is cute, but small. And the dressmaker is no longer there!
But Fairfax was a great find! It is a total hippy town, complete with the nauseating smell of pachouille, my less favorite scent in the world! But what a cool town. They refer to themselves as "Maybury on acid", and i can believe it. i couldnt' get a picture that would do it justice, besides, i didn't want to bother anyone. (I didn't even want to be seen talking on my cell phone!) It had stores with names like "Rainbow Fabrics", "Spirit of the Goddess" and "Culture Shock." All kinds of tie-dyed apparel, peace insignia, etc. The store clerks were all friendly and really laid back.

Rest of day was routine, i exercised, tried to find a path to walk. went to jazzercize, and then did a take out menu from a really good local restaurant, Boca. i ordered empanadas and a wedge of lettuce with roq. dressing. It's an Argentinian restaurant. i came home to eat it, although i had a glass of wine while waiting. i wanted to see what it was like to be in a restaurant alone at night. it was fine, i actually enjoyed it.
came back here to eat though. i realized i am having my "Leap" experience during the "Leap Year"! ("Leap" is the name of a book by Sara Davidson about women in their 60's changing the course of their lives.)

Turkey Trot in Brugges

Slow day. Nothing exciting. But............i feel so happy! i really do miss people, but there's an internal joy that has only to do within me.
Today. Went to jazzercize, had a phone conference for the bone marrow transplant symposium. Drove to Mill Valley to get their phamplet on their stairways. It's a very yuppy little town, very ritzy, the Marin county i had thought it all would be. anyway, got the map about the stairways and came home.
i took a walk around my condo, around the Pacheco Valle area. It is really nice, you can see from the pictures. the gaggle of turkeys are around all the time. If you "talk" to them , if you actually say, "goggle, goggle, goggle", they actually say it back. There must be 20 of them in their pack, and i finally sort of got a picture.
Later on, saw "In Brugges", a movie Dan recommended. It was really quite good, i enjoyed it. Colin Farrell can act as well as be hot!

o.k, i have to say something here. About my happiness. i hope this isn;t too personal, but this is really a journal for me . and about a conversation with Dan, in which he mentioned that he wasn't sure other people really understood why i wanted to do this, and i think he felt they were being judgemental . This joy i feel has nothing to do with being away from Dan. i feel our relationship is stronger than ever. i miss him passionately, and think of him all the time. i feel so secure and certain in our relationship that i have the freedom to find this happiness within myself. My friend Lorraine wrote me, after reading my journal, that i was truly meditating, even though it is not a conscience thing. i think i have needed to do this for myself for a very long time. Who knows why, but i feel that others have had the chance, and i haven't. i haven't resented it, but i envied it and wanted to do it too. it is a personal fulfillment. It's my "Leap", which is the title of a book written by Sara Davidson about finding ourselves after age 60.

i was a product of the 60's and 70's, who never explored, who just observed on the outside, never really experiencing it. i supported it for the most part, envied it, and judged it. But never really took part, though some part of me wanted to. i don't regret that, i made good choices in my life. But now, i have a sense of freedom, a sense of being able to expand myself with confidence , knowing also what i have with those i love and not wanting to jeopardize that in the least.

Waited for the torrents of rain and wind to stop, or at least, abate, and then went to the Marin County Farmers Market. i didn't need anything, but i wanted to check it out. It's by the Convention Center, which is a really nice facility. there weren't alot of farmers there, but i liked the market, as of course, everything was fresh, organic and our familiar "sustainable."
i bought a rotisserie chicken from a catering place that was crowded, so i bought one for when Dan is here. i also bought some interesting breads for tonight, a walnut blue cheese, and some others.
i then cooked rumaki, and parmesean mustard chicken wings for Lindsey and Jay to watch the Academy Awards tonight. i bought some foil stars from a Dollar Store to decorate.
It's rainy and lonely, i do feel alone today.
i took a walk, and i felt so much better. Met some people on the way. They used to live in South Haven, knew all about Michigan, even Maple City! he is the homeowners Ass'n president, so he gave me some good info about who to get in touch with for a short term rental next year. They were very friendly and nice, although he described Governor Granholm as a "rotten, Commie, pinko"! I just laughed and joked with him, his wife did too.
I saw the wild turkeys on the walk, they are always around and so funny. One or two Toms, and the rest seem to be like the harem. i also saw deer on the walk; it's really quite nice around here, we are surrounded by paths and hills and protected land.
Came back home, and Jay and Lindsey came over. They loved my little decorations. i think we are the only 3 who appreciate these things, so i knew they'd like them. Watched the Oscars, all of us bored but still.........you have to watch! but one more comment.....it's really so nice to be on the west coast to watch the awards. It's the first time i can remember in years, when i could actually stay awake! And, i am sitting here now watching the post show! This is amazing to me.
and p.s., with apologies to Dan, but it was nice watching the show with people who were awake!

They Call the Wind Matilda

The forecast for today has been alot of rain, and gusty winds. All the t.v. and radio people talk about is the wind, and how fierce this storm is.
I was invited to Lindsey's parents for dinner in Alameda, which meant i had to drive over the Richmond Bridge, where i think a truck overturned due to a high wind gust during a storm in january. When i went to buy Paula, LInsdey's mom, some flowers, the woman told me to stay home, or to have a really heavy car. (I'm driving a little Mazda 3) so i was very nervous, i admit.

Well, i went, and i made it and the wind wasn't that bad. it wasn't that bad at all. i had a really nice time with the Frimans and "Aunt Rae", whom i really liked. I liked them all, it was really fun. They are so hospitable and i felt like part of the family. Rae is a hoot. She regaled us with funny stories, is very vibrant, told us she had an interview at Paramount Studios after she graduated college 50 years ago, having gone to Pasadena Playhouse College or something like that. She got married instead, didn't regret it. She loves to use Yiddish words because her husband, who has passed away, worked for a Jewish tailor and learned many expressions. She is in her 70's, and looks and acts like she's in her 50's.

Lindsey's friend Jessica was there too, it was nice to meet her. Their house is really cool, very homey. The kitchen and downstairs have been redone, it is BEAUTIFUL, with so many cool ideas. Lindsey actually helped design it. Paula and Ken have lived all over the world, as he's been an engineer for oil rigs, and have many stories. Their home, which is her family's home, is filled with family memorbilia.

We had a very nice meal. i wish Dan were there too. They have a dog, Matilda, an Australian Cattle Dog, who hid under Ken and Paula most of the evening, and under my feet at dinner, probably thinking i was Lindsey. She didn't like Jay taking her picture. When we left, she finally got friendly enough to say hello.

The Non Itty Bitty Stairway Walk and the Non Itty Bitty Titty Party

2-22-08

Had coffee with a neighbor this morning, Roberta, who coincidentially happens to be a fellow psychotherapist. She was delightful, and i enjoyed her. She said she was so glad i had stopped to say hello the day before, as they all wondered if i was friendly or not, and were waiting for me to approach them. Interesting, as i was waiting for them to approach me. So this is a lesson, that merely by saying hello, i potentially made a friend.

Went into San Francisco later in the day to do a walk and to go to a party at Jay's friend, Stina.

First, the walk. Oh moan and groan and pant!!!! This was a walk! It was in the Forest Hill section of town, a beautiful, upscale part of the city. It has the largest number of homes built by Bernard Maybeck, an apparently well known architect in the 20's. His homes are indeed beautiful and unusual. They have gingerbread roofs sometimes, and oddly placed balconies and turrets. Sort of art deco, but with warmth. The other homes in this neighborhood were so lovely. i almost want to start another quest here, looking for Maybeck homes!

As i was walking, a woman was behind me, and i sort of was trying to hide the book, as i felt embarressed and thought if she were a resident, she'd resent me walking this lovely neighborhood. She caught up to me, and said, "oh, is that the Stairsways book? My husband and i bought that and are doing it." Nice surprise for me!

so this walk! Well, it wasn't the initial steps that are called the Pacheco Stairway, it was the uphill walk to them, and the 6 stairways to walk up and down that were the groaners! i think there are so many stairways in this city because it's alot easier to walk up a stairway than to walk up a hill! Anyway, it was beautiful.

it's funny, doing these, the things i notice. i'm not an observant person of my physical environment so much, being an observer of internal things. But this makes me observe. i notice the houses, and the book helps me notice the details on some of the houses. i notice the differences in the stairways---one had wavy sides to it all the way down, inviting a feeling of care for even the stairway. The houses abut the stairways, almost in people's yards.

I then panted myself back into the car, and headed for Jay and Linsdey's. On the way, i found another stairway at the end of Funston st. near Taravel. No, i did not get out, i didn't even take a picture, but it was fun to find it on Jay's old street. Jay and Linsdey were preparing snacks for their friend Stina's party. She is about to have a breast reduction, so the party was a "bye, bye titty" party! Linsdey made the above cupcakes! Jay made his (actually, My recipe, actually RUTH's recipe) of the Mexican antipasta, also with a breast theme.

The party was so nice. i really like his friends. i saw Lars and Kate, Tom E and his girlfriend here from Seattle, Sara S, Allison and Dave, Hans and Heather. I didn't stay too long, i do get nervous about driving back in the dark. i was also exhausted from the walk and the morning's jazzercize. i love his friends, and as they mature, i find we relate more on a peer level.

got home to Ella, who was hyper because she'd been alone. Tough!

We Hand Churn Our Own Organic Butter Every Day

Slow, lazy day. It rained, though it isn't unpleasant, and i went for a walk. You get pretty wet, but it's not cold, so it isn't bad. Yet! Stayed inside most of the day, working on the bmt symposium i am doing, doing the Leukemia telephone support group, catching up.
i then drove to Sebastopol to meet Kathleen for dinner at a charming french restaurant called "The French Garden." It was very good, and always fun with Kathleen, as we sit and process until my ADD catches up with me and i can't sit any longer! Drove home to Ella. i'm getting better at night, rainy driving, thankfully.
i need to mention the restaurants. Well, the food is always very good, very good. But they are VERY into being "sustainable" (do you really know what that means?) and their wines, going into very long descriptions about the taste and the smells and the flavors, etc. But also everything! i had read about the butter at this place, of all things, and i do love butter, but i thought it was a little over the top when our waitperson announced "we hand churn our own organic butter." Kathleen and i just looked at each other, and said, "it's So Northern California!"

a steal at the outlets, and a great meal in Mustard country

this is for feb. 20th.

Did my regular jazzercize in the morning. The group is feeling much more comfortable, i don't feel like the new kid anymore.

Came home and relaxed, then went out to Napa to meet my neighbor's sister and her husband, Gloria and Mike, who now live in Fairfield. The drive out was beautiful, i tried to take a picture at a red light, so it may not great, but i will include one of Mike's, who had taken a few. It's the mustard season in Napa, so you see yellow field after yellow field of mustard plants, with the rolling hills in the background. (oh! Rufus Wainwright is singing "Over the Rainbow" on my Ipod as i write this!)

i stopped at the outlets in Napa, and cleaned up. Listen up, Sally, if you're reading this--get to the Dana Buchman store in Michigan City, 80% off !

then, met Gloria and Mike at Ad Hoc, a Thomas Keller restaurant in Yountville. It's a new concept, all sustainable food, one prix fixe ($46) and you get whatever they are serving that night, served family style. We had: course one---garlic soup

course two--hanger steak, grilled swiss chard, potato

pancakes

course three---dry, aged cheddar cheese with huckleberry

jam and a raisin scone

course four--warm chocolate brownie.

i came home late, again grateful for the GPS, as it was very dark. Glad to see Ella, whom i am getting very found of.

During the day, i had emailed some realtors, and got names of people wanting to sub-let at Oakmont, the adult community we saw in Santa Rosa. i called a few, and have a date to see one of the homes for next year.

i really love it out here. i've been reading some articles in Oprah, Martha Beck's, and some other articles, about getting what you want, and feeling like you've found yourself in what you do. i am feeling that strongly. i miss Dan very much, miss my wonderful friends, but i feel happy, i feel like this was what i've needed to do for a long time.

Extremely Slippery Conditions Ahead, or "Have a Nice Day".

It is rainy today, but still, in the 50's. i have to say right here that it feels really good to be out of the cold weather, even in the rain.
Walked to get the papers, lounged around, decided to drive to Pt. Reyes, to see if i could see any birthing seals. I wanted to go to Bolinas, but it was further, as Pt. Reyes is only 25 away.
Drove there on a beautiful road, Lucas Valley Rd., which is very near. Marin County is so interesting because you can be in the middle of suburban sprawl, then drive 10 minutes away and you're out in the beautiful countryside. Really interesting.
On the way to Pt. Reyes, i saw the title sign, "Extremely Slippery Conditions" on this very curvy road. So of course, i continued! (these people know nothing of slippery road conditions--it was not slippery, at least when i went)
i drove through a town called Nicosia, what a cute town. It has 3 stores--a general store, a bar and grill, and a post office, all in one building. The woman in the store and the man in the bar were so nice and friendly that i took their picture. The woman, whose picture you can see, was so friendly, gave me a big smile and said "Have a nice day" when i left. When i asked if i could take her picture, she got shy, but agreed. I told her to say "have a nice day", as she had smiled so well before. i took a few shots, and she kept saying it. She helped me to have a nice day! The guy in the bar gave me a program, apparently they have great live music there on weekends. Since there appear to be about 5 people in the town, i wonder where they come from. In fact, i wonder so much i think i'll go there! The countryside was beautiful surrounding the town, many horse farms and livestock farms.
shortly after i left the town, i went through this Redwood Forest, that was maybe a few miles long, but it was magical! Strange, hippy type houses, with Xmas lights on the fences, up in the hills amid the trees. I rolled down the windows to spell the trees, it was so refreshing!

Got to Pt. Reyes, but didn't see the seals. In fact, i didn't really stay. i was at Tomales Bay, but was the only one there, and the walk to the bay did not look inviting. i think the seals, etc. are way over by the lighthouse, but that was really far from where i was, and a gas station and a restroom were fast becoming De Rigeur!
I then came home the same way. It was a lovely drive, i felt very free. Did good thinking on the way there and back, just enjoyed it.

p.s. i later found out that it is named Lucas Valley Road because George Lucas owns most of the land around here, and lives here too. Apparently near the Redwood Forest.

no ups today

Dan had to go back to AA today, i drove him there in the morning. On the way to the airport, we saw a bunch of wild turkeys. Looked like a whole community, walking in my neighborhood.
Met Jay for breakfast, which was great, since he and Lindsey had been skiing in Tahoe all weekend with their myriad of friends, and didn't get to spend much time with Dan. Drove to the airport, and on the way, Dan found another staircase. (now i've HIM looking!) i will have to go back to Pacheco street and find it, it's beautiful. It's probably one in my book.
Left him off, boo hoo, and came back to the condo. Worked on the symposium i am helping with. It's nice out, i didn't think it would be so i forced myself out and find a little nearby park near Marinwood, off the Lucas Valley exit. i read some meditations there, and lapped up the sun. Not for long, i am very tired, and want to be home. doing laundry and talking to Ella, the cat. (did i mention her yet?---she is part of the deal here, a skittish charmer who is very smart and cunning, but good company.)
i am really missing Dan, we had a really nice weekend. i really miss him, which is kinda nice, but i also feel o.k. on my own. feel really relaxed; i think i was so ready for this experience, and it's not disappointing me, rather, it's joyous, even if i'm missing Dan. Am also really missing Matt, Rachel, and my Isaac!

magic in sonoma

Dan wanted to go to wine country today, to go up to Glen Ellen, and then to see where else the road took us. So we went there and we're somewhat disappointed. But, i had met this guy on the ferry ride yesterday, who owned a winery in Santa Rosa, St. Francis winery. He had told me to call and he'd set me and a guest up for the "VIP" tasting, gave me his cell phone number. So i called him, and he set up a wine and dine tasting for us at 1:00! So we got there and really were treated well. We were in a private room, with a few other couples doing the same thing. They had 4 wine glasses, different wines, paired with 4 different courses of food. (see photos) The wine was really good! Really good!
They paired a Wild Oak Chardonney with a mango-shrimp cerviche;
a cabernet franc with blue cheese, onion rings;
a rockpile red with pork loin and braised cabbage;
and a $75 cabernet sauginon with the stuffed mushroom;

we ended up buying some of the wine, and joining the wine club, so Chris Silva, the owner's name, did o.k. by us! it was really fun.

We then spent the rest of the day exploring wine country. we checked out a potential rental place called Oakmont, which looks very possible--it's an "adult" community, with alot of winter rentals available and alot of community activities. Dan bought a ring in Calistoga, and we slowly, very slowly, headed back to Novato.

more ups today!

i am posting 2 posts today because i didn't yesterday, just so you all understand.
This was a great day! We got up and left early, took the ferry from Larkspur to the Ferry Building. We love these ferries, remembering the one we would take from Vallejo. It was lovely and relaxing. Got to the ferry building, and took off for a stairway walk. Went through Chinatown and saw parts i had never seen before. This park, called Portsmouth Park,where the men play "go" and cards, and the women sit and talk. We continued walking, and heard firecrackers and noise, and saw a random celebration of the Chinese New Year----two guys in a dragon suit going up and down the street to the noise of a Chinese drum, and every so often, lighting firecrackers. All much to the delight of the crowd. We saw a number of these throughout the walk.
Then, actually followed the book i'm using, called "Stairway Walks in San Francisco" by Adah Bakalinsky, by the way. i 've realized i've forgotten to name it.
We ended up finding great staircases, from Kearny up old concrete steps to Vallejo steps. Then down this beautiful stairway walk! It curved around with terraces at different levels, and homes on either side. beautiful foliage at every level too. I liked this staircase! Dan did too.
Then, walked back to Chinatown for lunch. We ended up at a rather popular place, seated with a cynical dentist from Carmel, and had Dim Sum which they served by walking around with the different kinds all the time. It was excellent! had fried shrimp, a shrimp dumpling, and a rice thing wrapped in some kind of leaves, and then an egg custard dumpling.
Rested on the nice ferry ride on the way home to Larkspur.
Then, drove out to Stinson Beach, where Dan thought we could stay as a better alternative. But hey, no, very long drive, very, very crowded. Gorgeous drive on highway one,though, really magnificent.
Drive back through Mt. Tam park to end up in Mill Valley. another beautiful drive. DAn upset because the GPS wasn't working right, but other than his obsessing about that, it was great.
Now back at the house, tired, will just stay in. Currently drinking marini's!

sharing the joy

It was so great to have Dan around! We were both exhausted, so it was a lazy day. Drove around Novato, found a new good grocery store, Harvest, and stocked up. came home, then drove to Corte Madera. i wanted to return to the Italian grocery store . A.J. Ferrari Foods for lunch and more breadsticks, which i'm unfortunately getting addicted to. cAme back and tried to nap, though we'd had too much coffee.
Met Kathleen for dinner at Kitchen, a one star restaurant in Novato. Dan and i split the "Valentine's Prix Fixe" 5 course meal; it was wonderful: carrot curry and ginger soup with truffle oil, bibb lettuce salad with blue cheese and blue cheese vinegrette, shrimp in white sauce, pancetti wrapped butterfish, and melted chocolate cake. Excellent!

valentine for the mind and valentine for the senses or the non stairway walk

Valentine's day! Called Matt on my daily walk to get the papers to wish him a Happy Birthday! I hope Isaac did too.
It is thursday, and i am doing a telephone support group for the Leukemia Society, so i spent an hour doing that. i am enjoying it, though it's hard to do that out here. But i did enjoy it; i had to find a place in the house that isn't bombarded with the noise of the workmen fixing the dry rot, however!
Afterwards, i drove into the city with my very trusty GPS, i love it. I went to the Legion of Honor to see the Marie Antoinette exhibit, which is leaving on saturday. It was very good, but not great. I liked the china and the furniture, and the headphone lecture, but i didn';t like all the portraits that much, i don't like that rococco style of art.
i then did my next stairway walk! or tried to. i must say, i am enjoying the adventure of trying to find the walks, and then regrouping after i either can't find it or something is amiss. Today, i tried to do the one at Lands End. I ended up at Seal Beach near Cliff house, and did find a staircase, but it was closed for repairs, as was the walk! i walked around a little, by the Sutro Baths, found a tunnel someone told me about, and did walk up another staircase. But mostly, i sat and listened to the waves. It was magificent, i just sat and listened. i took a weird self portrait, seen above, with my cell phone!
i then drove around to find another walk/stairway, and ended up at another part of Lands End, or maybe it was the real one. It was by Fort Miley. I did find the staircase down to the walk, and it was beautiful. this part of my day was a feast for the senses----the sun was shining brightly, so bright it hurt my eyes, the waves were crashing on the rocks, the path felt solid beneath my feet, and my favorite part was the smell------at one point on the walk i was among Cypress trees. Someone told me they were Monteray Cypress. They smelled so wonderfully, i just stood and took it in. a wonderful, woodsy scent.

i then drove to Jay and Lindsey's , and Lindsey and i had a great time talking til Jay got home. We then went out for sushi, yes, i am attempting to develop a taste for it. Jay brought both Linsdey and i a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day!
i am now back at their house, waiting til i can pick up Dan from the airport. he is coming in tonight, late. This of course, will be the best Valentine of all today!

downs and ups today

began the morning with jazzercize, which always is good. i felt more down, felt like a newcomer. was going to look for a poem to add, perhaps i will later to describe it.
later, went to the Farmers Market in Corte Madera, which definately lifted my spirits! i bought some clothes, but found a wonderful Italian market there, where i bought some goodies for Dan's visit tomorrow.
Kathleen comes tonight, i am ready to see someone i know and can have more than a cursory talk with.

o.k., i know this gets boring, so i will try and shorten my writings. although it IS my journal.
Kathleen and i went to Boca for dinner, after driving to downtown Novato. we had a great time! it was great to see her, we had great talking, drinking and eating. This restaurant was good, kobe beef was good, a little tough, but they had wedge of lettuce salad with roq. dressing, which is one of my favorite foods. great wine, by the way.

sixty five degrees of separation

2-12-08
o.k., first i have to finish the rest of yesterday. i did go to jazzercize, and it felt really good. everyone was nice, and not blond, thin and young! a nice group. an easier workout, oddly enough. i got a brochure for "Laughter Yoga" which this center does on wed. at 11, which i want to check out. It's a senior center though, so it may be for seniors, in which case, i may not do it! But it is intriguing.
i left the class and then drove to Corte Madera, which took about 20 minutes. i went to hear John Grey talk about his latest book regarding his Men/Mars---Women/Venus theory. He was very good, just like he is on t.v. He said that men and women react differently to stress. i can't remember all that he said, it was this alleged scientific stuff about oxycotin and testostorone and how the sexes react oppositely to it. Men get sleepy and have trouble focusing when women can multitask. He said women need their oxycotin levels raised to be turned on, and to do this, they need to talk and interact to reduce their stress levels. If they don't get the opportunity to be listened to, or to talk, they stay stressed, which interferes with their sexual desire. Men get stumped by trying to find solutions, so when they look like they're not listening, they're really searching their minds for solutions. it wasn't that astoundingly new to me, and he went off into how to communicate, which was certainly not new, but it was interesting. This book store, The Book Passage, is quite famous, and really wonderful. They have all kinds of speakers there, and have a murder series where my favorites always go---Michael Connelly, John Sanford, etc.
i am sleeping well, feel much calmer than i thought i would. i just feel relaxed. i got up today, fed the kitty, had some coffee, then walked up the hill where there are newspaper thingies. this is my routine.
i have to do some work today for the bmtinfo net group, so i won't be playing til later.
more later!
o.k., it is now later. this is the second time i am writing this, as i got kicked off the computer before. Did i mention my technology crises? My palm pilot broke before i left, so i lost most of my address info, my cell phone has been acting weird before i left, and i don't get reception at the house, the computer has an ethernet connection and i keep getting kicked off, so it is hard to communicate with people i know! a challenge.
Anyway, there are workmen working on the house, and the contractor, Mel, has become my new best friend. He tells me stuff to do around here. today, i took a walk in the Pachero Nature Center right near the house. It is really beautiful, but a strenuous walk. Harder than Sugarloaf Mountain. i stopped along the way, and read from Jon Kabat Zinn's, "Wherever You Go, There You Are". He quoted a poem by Walt Whitman, which was lovely and i read aloud. On the way back down, right where i had stopped, i suddenly saw a beautiful, soaring bird with a huge wingspan, black head, and red beak. It was some kind of hawk or eagle, i thought. i saw several, they were so graceful, and it felt magical since it was the same spot i had read the mindfulness stuff. i later found out, from Mel, that they were turkey hawks! But, he said, that was still good because they had been scarce around here, and now are returning.
i came home, and then drove to San Anselmo, to explore it a little and to get my vanilla shower soap from Body Time, which has a store there.
i later did jazzercize. It's not that i'm so hyper and full of energy, it's that it's good to get out and talk to people. That feels very good.
i am happy!

my first day in novato

i should write this later, as the day isn't over. but anyway, i explored. Oh, i slept really well! of course, i had meds, but i didn't use much. More importantly, i FELT safe and sound.
I found the senior center in Novato, it smelled of old people, and there were many! i will go back tonight when there are jazzercizers, i hope! i explored downtown Novato and found it cute with some nice shops and some great , alleged, restaurants, Kitchen, and Boca. Had a long talk with a shop owner who also told me about some nice walks around here, if i'm still here when the wildflowers come out, which should be early march.
o.k., now i have to figure out how to send this so people can actually read it.

moraga tile staircase, walk number one

2-10-08
I did my first stairway walk today, to start my adventure in California. i arrived on friday night, and have been staying with Jay and Lindsey until sunday, when I venture to the condo in Novato. After i got the car this morning, i took off on my own, giving them some time alone, and found the stairway near them. It was in Golden Gate Heights. It began at Moraga and 16th, and wanders around Golden Gate Heights Park, above the Sunset.
It was warm and sunny today. I was trying to analzye my feelings; I felt sort of unsettled, unfocused, adventurous, and overly analytical about how i was feeling!
Anyway, i then pulled up to the staircase and ohmygod! Out of nowhere is this magnificant staircase all in tiles. And the tiles all have peoples names on them and symbols. There are all different colors of tiles, shapes, mirrored tiles, gorgeous! Jay later told me, and i also read, that the neighborhood started a movement to have the stairway paved with tiles that people bought. Jay bought a tile for James, he thinks it's on the 94th step. i didn't know this til later, however.

So that was the ups of this. The downer was that my camera didn't work! What a bummer! i took a few shots with my phone, but that is not at all satisfying. i was so bummed! The above image was taken by my cell phone. (It looks really strangely colorized) P.S. i added the picture of the steps later.
i walked up the mosaic stairs anyway, turned around and saw the ocean. The water was hazy, and just a few waves were coming in from this vast panorama, even though the say was clear. i watched this anf it felt so good on this peaceful, sunny sunday with the birds singing.
i walked a little further, though i am not sure i followed the directions right. But i ended up on another stairway, where someone asked me if i knew where the mosaic stairs were. I so proudly answered her, so proud that i knew! ohmygod, this is fun, i thought. i took a dirt path around the top, and walked in a semi circle over the sunset area. i felt open, curious, free, thoughtful. i didn't feel joyous, but thoughtful. i felt happy, i felt that life is good, everyone is happy, my kids, Dan, me, his kids, jim and laura, a nice moment in time.
i felt a little sad that i was alone, not because i was lonely, but because i wanted to share it with someone because it was so cool.
On the way back down from this staircase, i realized i was across the way from Jay and Lindsey's. Of course, it was quite a way off, but yet, i waved!
On the way down, i noticed huge hens and chicks all over the place. lovely. i decided to go back home then, i had walked a ways, and didnt' want to do more because of no camera. i will bring Dan back here to see the mosaic steps, he'll love them, and i'll have the camera then.
Oh, i saw many other people, and everyone was so friendly, so calm and just taking it all in. How wonderful!