Slow day. Nothing exciting. But............i feel so happy! i really do miss people, but there's an internal joy that has only to do within me.
Today. Went to jazzercize, had a phone conference for the bone marrow transplant symposium. Drove to Mill Valley to get their phamplet on their stairways. It's a very yuppy little town, very ritzy, the Marin county i had thought it all would be. anyway, got the map about the stairways and came home.
i took a walk around my condo, around the Pacheco Valle area. It is really nice, you can see from the pictures. the gaggle of turkeys are around all the time. If you "talk" to them , if you actually say, "goggle, goggle, goggle", they actually say it back. There must be 20 of them in their pack, and i finally sort of got a picture.
Later on, saw "In Brugges", a movie Dan recommended. It was really quite good, i enjoyed it. Colin Farrell can act as well as be hot!
o.k, i have to say something here. About my happiness. i hope this isn;t too personal, but this is really a journal for me . and about a conversation with Dan, in which he mentioned that he wasn't sure other people really understood why i wanted to do this, and i think he felt they were being judgemental . This joy i feel has nothing to do with being away from Dan. i feel our relationship is stronger than ever. i miss him passionately, and think of him all the time. i feel so secure and certain in our relationship that i have the freedom to find this happiness within myself. My friend Lorraine wrote me, after reading my journal, that i was truly meditating, even though it is not a conscience thing. i think i have needed to do this for myself for a very long time. Who knows why, but i feel that others have had the chance, and i haven't. i haven't resented it, but i envied it and wanted to do it too. it is a personal fulfillment. It's my "Leap", which is the title of a book written by Sara Davidson about finding ourselves after age 60.
i was a product of the 60's and 70's, who never explored, who just observed on the outside, never really experiencing it. i supported it for the most part, envied it, and judged it. But never really took part, though some part of me wanted to. i don't regret that, i made good choices in my life. But now, i have a sense of freedom, a sense of being able to expand myself with confidence , knowing also what i have with those i love and not wanting to jeopardize that in the least.
Today. Went to jazzercize, had a phone conference for the bone marrow transplant symposium. Drove to Mill Valley to get their phamplet on their stairways. It's a very yuppy little town, very ritzy, the Marin county i had thought it all would be. anyway, got the map about the stairways and came home.
i took a walk around my condo, around the Pacheco Valle area. It is really nice, you can see from the pictures. the gaggle of turkeys are around all the time. If you "talk" to them , if you actually say, "goggle, goggle, goggle", they actually say it back. There must be 20 of them in their pack, and i finally sort of got a picture.
Later on, saw "In Brugges", a movie Dan recommended. It was really quite good, i enjoyed it. Colin Farrell can act as well as be hot!
o.k, i have to say something here. About my happiness. i hope this isn;t too personal, but this is really a journal for me . and about a conversation with Dan, in which he mentioned that he wasn't sure other people really understood why i wanted to do this, and i think he felt they were being judgemental . This joy i feel has nothing to do with being away from Dan. i feel our relationship is stronger than ever. i miss him passionately, and think of him all the time. i feel so secure and certain in our relationship that i have the freedom to find this happiness within myself. My friend Lorraine wrote me, after reading my journal, that i was truly meditating, even though it is not a conscience thing. i think i have needed to do this for myself for a very long time. Who knows why, but i feel that others have had the chance, and i haven't. i haven't resented it, but i envied it and wanted to do it too. it is a personal fulfillment. It's my "Leap", which is the title of a book written by Sara Davidson about finding ourselves after age 60.
i was a product of the 60's and 70's, who never explored, who just observed on the outside, never really experiencing it. i supported it for the most part, envied it, and judged it. But never really took part, though some part of me wanted to. i don't regret that, i made good choices in my life. But now, i have a sense of freedom, a sense of being able to expand myself with confidence , knowing also what i have with those i love and not wanting to jeopardize that in the least.
3 comments:
this is from Dan:
I read your blog, great picture of the turkeys. I also appreciate what you wrote. I’m looking forward to coming back out there and being with you, but I’m glad you are doing your “leap”.
I LOVE the turkeys!
Please get rid of the rain and wind before I arrive. Looking forward to seeing you and hearing more about your adventures. What a wonderful gift you've given yourself. Good for you - and for Dan for being so supportive.
Love -
Trudi
Hey there!
I loved those turkeys too!
I think it's totally cool that you are doing this!
I'm enjoying that fact that I finally have had time to sit and read this! Seeing someone else do something like this helps take the fear of the unknown away and inspires me!
Be proud that you:
1) Did something just for yourself, which most women have problems doing anything thing of any size for themselves w/out guilt.
2) In my opinion:
No matter where you are at in life, opportunities to grow as a human being are vital!
Leslie
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